a dark world aches for a splash of sun
by remuslives23
Summary: Kurt felt cold even though the day was warm, the sun making his eyes tear as it glinted off the tin roofs around the building. Unbeta'd. Trigger warning inside.


**SPOILERS:** EPISODE 3x14.

**TRIGGER WARNING**: Talk of suicide

* * *

Kurt took a deep breath and looked out over Lima, his arms wrapped around himself as Mr Shuester's words from a few days before resonated in his head.

_"I walked up to the roof. I went right to the edge. One step and all the pain and humiliation would be over."_

He shuddered, his arms tightening. How many times had he looked over this same edge and thought the same thing? Just one step. It's not so hard. One step and it'll all be over. No more watching his dad struggling to understand a son he had nothing in common with, no more fighting a losing battle in a school that would never accept him, no more watching everyone else find love while he stood, invisible, on the sidelines.

Kurt felt cold, though the day was warm, the sun making his eyes tear as it glinted off the tin roofs around the building. If he'd taken that step, if he hadn't been able to find one tiny thing to live for – fear of leaving his dad alone, fear of surviving the fall with horrific injuries – he would have missed out on so much. Finally having a family with Carole and Finn, seeing his dad so proud of him after their Regionals win, watching his dreams of making it in New York come within reaching distance,_ Blaine_.

How many other kids had come up here for the exact same reason? Kurt couldn't recall any stories of a student suicides but did that mean they'd made it through the pain they were experiencing, or that they'd simply found another way of ending their suffering? He closed his eyes. How much longer would he have held on if his father hadn't forced the truth out of him? Would he have reached the point where he couldn't find that one thing that made him turn away from the edge? His breathing hitched, a sob stifled in his throat, then he started as strong arms encircled him.

"I hoped I wouldn't find you here."

Kurt leaned back against Blaine's firm chest, his skin warming as he was enveloped in body heat. "How did you know to even look up here?"

Blaine pressed a kiss to Kurt's shoulder. "I saw your face when Mr Shue was talking the other day," he murmured. "And I thought that, with Karofsky and Quinn's accident, that you might be… upset."

Kurt frowned and turned in Blaine's arms. "I wouldn't…" he began, but Blaine stopped him with two fingers against his lips.

"I know," he whispered, old hurts making his voice crack. "But I know how useless I feel right now and I knew you had to be feeling just as hopeless and…"

He shrugged and shook his head. "When I felt hopeless in the past, I went into my parents' bathroom and stared at the bottles of pills in the cabinet, wondering how many I'd need to swallow to take it all away. Sometimes it was just an idle thought." He bit his lip then said, "Sometimes it wasn't."

Kurt couldn't help his wince and Blaine stretched up to kiss him before cupping Kurt's face in his palms. "I saw your face," he repeated quietly. "And I knew that this roof was your medicine cabinet."

Kurt's breath shuddered from his lungs and he let his head fall to Blaine's shoulder. "It could have been me," he said, voice ragged. "It could have just as easily been me instead of David."

"No," Blaine disagreed, pulling away. He forced Kurt to look at him. "No, because you're stronger. You're braver. You looked for something to live for, Kurt, because you believed there had to be something. You didn't lose faith, no matter how badly the world treated you."

He kissed Kurt again, harder, more fierce, than before. "And I am so fucking grateful to whatever it was that kept you holding on because my life would be so much _less_ without you."

Kurt sank his fingers into Blaine's hair – curls worn loose today, just the way Kurt liked it – and drew the other man back in for a deep kiss, trying to tell Blaine without words how happy Kurt was to have met him, to be loved by him. Blaine moaned softly and returned the embrace just as fervently, saying his own wordless thank you as he slid his arms around Kurt's neck and rose to his toes so he could press the length of their bodies together.

"I love you," Blaine gasped when they finally parted. He nuzzled Kurt's nose with his own. "I love you so much I can't stand it sometimes."

Kurt blinked away the sudden sting in his eyes. "I love you too," he whispered, trailing his lips over Blaine's cheek then pressing them to his temple. "I can't even begin to tell you how much."

The wind picked up, blowing Blaine's hair into Kurt's face. Kurt tugged at the dark lock then stepped back. A fresh tendril of hope unfurled inside him at the sight of his boyfriend with his messy hair and swollen red lips. Just over twelve months ago, he'd stood in this spot, doubting that he'd ever find someone to love him. But now there was Blaine with his beautiful, bright smile. Blaine, who was his light in the dark. Blaine, who had given him something to hold onto.

"Come on," he said firmly, taking Blaine's hand and turning his back on the edge of the building. "Let's get out of here."

Fin.


End file.
